Monday, 10 November 2008
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Why Not Have More Now?
I just read yesterday's QOTD (Question of the Day): "what is the ideal spacing between children?" and I just about had a fit...
I guess I'm having a bit of an issue with this question because it seems as though no-one bothered to think about the fact that not everyone gets to "choose" when they have children! Rather than asking what the ideal space between kids would be, how about asking WHY people's kids are "spaced" as they are?
I only have one child so far, and he is 18 month old now. People have been asking "so, when are you going to try for another one?" as if it's all that easy to not only get pregnant, but carry the child to term without major problems. Hey, if I had had my way, I would have been pregnant again now! But my body just cannot handle another pregnancy - I have barely recovered from my first. I have had to endure severe SI-joint problems and sciatica. Ttranslation: I was in pain 24/7 for the first 6 months of my son's life, and gradually in less pain up until now. I am still not completely pain-free, and need to rest more often during the day than other people do.
Also, there are our finances and home situation to consider. We are currently looking to sell our home in a down market, and are hoping to buy a bigger home while the market is still down. Another issue is my personal situation: I am still trying to finish my MA-degree, since I paid good money for tuition, plus I only have a short contract at my two jobs, which means I would probably lose both those jobs if I got pregnant now. These situations dictate that I cannot get pregnant right now, even if my body were able to handle another pregnancy.
I'd like to think that despite it all, I am usually a pretty happy, "focus on the positive" kind of person, but sometimes innocent questions like the "are you trying for another one yet?" question just drive me crazy!!
Are there any other moms out there who have experienced problems with their pregnancies? Have your problems prevented you from having another child?
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Comments (6)
I haven't had physical problems with my first pregnancy, but with a husband in the Navy, it feels like they govern our choice for spacing our children. Our first child is about to turn 2.
We wanted to try and get pregnant around this time, maybe in December. But when the Army selected my husband to leave his ship and go to Afghanistan all plans were put on hold.
So then we thought "how about when you get back?"
But now we realize there will be little time between his return, then his transferring of commands, which may entail a move. No one wants to move pregnant. So we have once again postponed #2 until fall of '09.
I've wanted another baby so long, that it was hard to say I would wait. And it is hard when all the ladies you were pregnant with the first time are having their second babies, or when well meaning mommies ask when #2 is coming.
@rockabillyXfilly@xanga - Thanks for your reply. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone in this. I know how hard it is to wait when your heart says "I want a baby NOW!" Hang in there with the deployment! That's gotta be hard on all three of you.
I dont yet have any children (but I love reading the Momaroo blogs). I have been married for almost a year and a half. My husband is currently going to school in a 1 year program. We both work full time. I have picked up a part time job to pay for his schooling. People still ask us when we are going to have kids! We would have plenty of time to make them - but not enough money or time to properly care for them!
When we do decide to try, it is quite possible we will have problems conceiving/carrying to term. It really is insensitive of people to assume that just because you arent pregnant right now means you arent trying!
I don't have any issues. I have my three kids and I'm done.
I'm sorry you are having issues. I think it's really rude to ask people about when they are going to have kids. Personally, I like the come back "Why are you so interested in our sex life?" Muahaha!
like tornadochaser i never ask when a couple is going to have kids. and i just talked to hubby the other day about something that happened at a wedding actually. the officiant's message for the couple was basically about procreating, but the whole time i was thinking that some people can't have kids, or there are risk factors involved. he just went on and i was feeling a little embarassed for him and a little for the couple too.
@TornadoChaser - Hee... pretty funny comeback! Gotta remember that one
@mamajoyjoy - That really IS embarrassing! Friends of ours really wanted to start a family, and their minister talked about that at their wedding, too! This was a couple of years ago. I was so afraid they weren't going to be able to have kids, but thankfully they had a healthy baby boy in the summer. Phew!